Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
