help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
