eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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