I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
