It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I want to fling myself into the sun
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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