Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
