dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
