He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
