If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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