Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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