i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
