A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Vodka?
Forever.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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