6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Randomize
