I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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