Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
