Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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