I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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