This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
