Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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