I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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