she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
