So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
