i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
