Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
