new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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