We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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