I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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