u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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