i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
