I met the friendliest cop last night
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
