11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i permit you to call me
P.S. I can't hear my feet
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
