Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
