I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
