i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
