Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
