Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
