She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
