yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
