nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Someone signed my nipple.
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