i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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