Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
