I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
