Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
