Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
