i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
be right there i have to get my cape
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
