Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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