Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
