alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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