You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This is classic penis vs brain.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
