literally had 100 drinks last night.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
