I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
