mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
