Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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