Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
